Have you ever felt like saying “no” to your child is like setting off a bomb in the house?
Often, children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) seem to have a more difficult time accepting “no” for an answer. That can often leave parents in a position to give in to keep the peace, to have different rules for different children, or to set unclear boundaries for the whole household. None of these scenarios contributes to safety, peace, or harmony in the household.
The good news is that there are some things that you can do to help your child learn to accept “no” with a little less explosion and a little more peace.
Social Stories/Books
Creating a Social Story for or with your child helps outline the accepted reaction to hearing “no”. You can find out more about social stories here, or just Google it. There are plenty of examples on the internet!
There is also a book called “I Just Don’t Like the Sound NO!” by Julia Cook that has been helpful for many of our clients. You can find a read aloud video of it here.
Alternative Coping Strategies
Very often, our children with SPD tend to respond with big emotions when they hear “no”. If we wait until they are in that big-emotion state to try to teach alternative coping strategies, they will likely fall on deaf ears.
We suggest coming up with at least 3 coping strategies in advance so that your child is already familiar with them before they reach the big-emotion stage. Here are 3 we like:
5-FINGER BREATHING
Breathe in as you trace up one finger, and breathe out as you trace down the finger, and do this for each successive finger on one hand.
SUNRISE STRETCHES
Breathe in as you stretch your hands over your head, then breathe out as you slowly bend forward and reach for your toes. Do this 5 times.
TAKE A MINUTE
“I need a minute to process this” can be a valuable statement for your child to use anywhere. Teach your child to take a minute, either right where they are or by going to a quiet space. They might count to ten, or even want to access some sensory items to help them regulate their frustration and disappointment.
Role Play
Role playing can have a very positive impact on teaching any skill you want your child to learn, but in particular it can be helpful in teaching the acceptable response to hearing “no”. Consider using toys and stuffed animals, puppets, siblings, Mommy and Daddy acting, and eventually include your child in the role play.
Maybe a stuffed bunny asks a stuffed dog if she can eat his dinner, and the dog says “no” in a calm manner, then the bunny responds with “Ok, I’ll just wait for my dinner then” in a happy tone. Model this for your child, then have them speak for one of the animals. Allow the play to go where it will, but continue to present opportunities for your child to say “no” and to respond non-emotionally to the word “no”.
Hopefully these tips will bring a little more peace into your home, and more compliance with family rules and expectations.
If you need additional help, we are here for you! Check out our groups and camps here, and get more information about how to sign your child up for therapy here.
~ Your SAB Team